If I was asked what was the one thing I did that had the greatest effect on my life since blessings began to flow unabated, I would say it all began with an earnest commitment to read daily from the pages of the Book of Mormon.
More than any other change I've made, feasting daily from the Book of Mormon, I am convinced, has caused my eyes to be opened, my heart to be softened, and unceasing blessings of comfort and divine guidance to flow into my life.
Interestingly I don't even remember when I began a sincere study of the Book of Mormon. I can't even remember what month I started reading it. Yet I know that it was not long after that that I began to feel its power weaving itself throughout the fabric of my life.
It is safe to say that I have never before felt anything close to how I feel now. I have never before been blessed to be a witness to so many miracles. My heart has never before felt as it does now. I have tried for many years in vain to soften my heart and to feel a close personal bond with Jesus Christ.
Until now, there has perhaps never been a time when I did not feel forced to learn life's lessons the hard way. It was not due to a lack of effort. More than once I have concluded that the most appropriate epitaph that could be written on my tombstone if I died at that point would be something like: "Chris died. He tried."
As pathetic as that sounds, that was still exactly how I felt most of the time. I have always given myself credit for trying. It's just I never could catch a break. At least that's what I believed. If gold stars were given out for most effort expended in one's life, I would win, hands down. I really thought this.
My martyr complex was deep. I'm sure I still don't fully grasp it. Even now there is probably still some hiding deep within me I haven't shined the light on yet.
This is partly why I am so utterly blown away that I am mostly not like this anymore. The "acted upon" Chris has been mostly replaced by the "act on" Chris.
It bewilders me because it is so unlike me. Sure, I have my moments. But I have been blessed with a much greater ability to get back up after falling down, shake off the dirt, and get back on the saddle of life.
I realize that it is so unlike me because it is not me doing it. It is my Savior who has engineered this new ability in me.
I used to internally roll my eyes when I heard religious people speak like this at church. They would engage in hyperbolic sentimentalism, or at least I thought. They would often tear up when speaking of the Savior and His goodness. So I would just ignore their sentiments, acknowledge their niceness, and conclude they were naive and didn't hold a license to live in the real world. The hard world. Where I lived.
Now I'm one of them. I can hardly hold back the tears when I think of Him. I am at a loss when I ponder the blessings He has given me. And those blessings really are from Him. I want to tell the world--including going back in time and tell my old doubting self--No, see. It is not feigned humility. These are not just flowery words that sound good to make me feel good. These are actual true words that I know are true because I have lived them.
These words of mine have come through a refining fire that I am still struggling to endure every day. They are words borne from experience of actually trusting in the Lord Himself. I have been blessed with the ability to do what He has asked me to do. And because I have trusted in Him, He has simply kept His promise to bless me. And wow. It actually works. Trusting Him actually brings blessings into overflow mode. The cup runneth over-type.
And so I find myself becoming someone that I used to look down upon. I pity the former me who tried so hard to see, but just wasn't ready.
There is so much I am still not ready for. There are days I still feel depressed. My depression and anxiety may have been healed, but there are still evil (negative) thoughts and beliefs I too easily fall prey to. I hope I am not over-confident. I still doubt. I still battle more fears than I want to admit.
But the blessings are real. They have changed me. He has changed me.
And while I cannot remember precisely when it all began to happen, there is one thing I know:
I began to see more clearly God's blessings and plan for me when I began to earnestly read the Book of Mormon.
The Book of Mormon is the Word of God
I have read from the pages of the Book of Mormon all my life to one degree or another. From my childhood on, this book has always been available to me. The time and effort I have spent throughout the years reading and studying this book have waxed and waned. But for a long time--with occasional exception--like the rest of my efforts toward self-improvement, my sincere study of the Book of Mormon has been inconsistent and sporadic, sprinkled with short bursts of rewarded effort.
I believe I must have been sufficiently humbled when I began again from the beginning, determined to read all the way through to the end. For ultimately, I read all the way from beginning to end within just a couple months.
What I have found most striking about the experience of reading the Book of Mormon daily is not some specific experience I had while reading. It is that all aspects of my life were enhanced.
What I have been given to know as truth is this:
Reading and pondering the Book of Mormon daily has opened a channel from heaven from which great blessings have flowed.
Just as a rising tide lifts all boats, my daily study of the Book of Mormon has enhanced all aspects of my life. It is like putting on a pair of glasses that brings everything else into clearer focus.
It has provided me with the necessary spark that I have long needed in order to put my house in order.
"...feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."--2 Nephi 32: 3
Not long before his passing, LDS President Thomas S. Monson recently said this of the Book of Mormon:
"I implore each of us to prayerfully study and ponder the Book of Mormon
each day. As we do so, we will be in a position to hear the voice of the
Spirit, to resist temptation, to overcome doubt and fear, and to
receive heaven’s help in our lives."I know that these are true words. I know that my life would be far different had I not chosen to incorporate the Book of Mormon and its teachings into my life. Since I began my serious study of this book I have been blessed to be able to hear the voice of the Spirit, to resist temptation, overcome much doubt and fear, and have received heaven's help in my life.
The blessing this book has been to me is incalculable. This book has changed my life beyond measure and will change the life of every person who sincerely receives it.
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