People Can Change

I am grateful for Rory Feek. Have you heard of him? A year or two ago I was looking to download a good book or two into my Amazon Audible account and came across a title that looked inspiring. It was called This Life I Live. So I bought it. Then as often happens, I let it slip away and forgot about the book until maybe a couple months ago.

Because I am going through a divorce and life is very hard right now I have been a magnet to all things inspirational. I was in my car with a two-hour drive ahead of me and in the mood for some inspiration. So when I came across this book again I decided to give it a try. I am so glad I did.

Rory Feek is apparently a famous singer-songwriter of country music. I say apparently because I had never heard of him before buying his book. In the first chapter, “Famous For Love”, he says,

“I am famous. Not for what most people think I’m famous for though--which is music. Yes, I’ve written some songs which you’ve probably heard on the radio, and my wife and I have had a very successful career in the music business. And we’ve made a half dozen albums, toured the country and halfway around the world and performed on television. We even had our tv show for a couple of years. But that’s not what I’m really famous for. Not anymore, anyway. I am famous for loving my wife.”

So begins the amazing love story of a man whose journey led him through a maze of broken childhood dreams into an adulthood of bad decisions and broken relationships until, with God’s help, he learned how to live a life filled with love to the point that that truly is what he is most famous for--loving his wife.

What a legacy.

What is so resonating about Rory’s life to me is that it embodies so well the concept that people can change.

I used to not really believe that. Or at least, change is what happened to other people. Other people could change, but not me. It’s like the good version of the belief that bad things happen to other people.

I don’t know why we believe these things. That bad things cannot happen to us or that we cannot change. Maybe it’s because it’s too easy to be complacent. But the only thing complacency is good for is keeping us in a rut.

Change is hard. Whether it’s good or bad change. At least for me, it is. I like my comfort zone. But when I look back throughout my life at all the most joyful moments, they were usually times when I was enduring some hardship.

And hardship equals change.

Enduring this divorce is forcing me to change. One of the main challenges is that I am the only adult in my household now. Sure, some things are easier. I have always had a hard time living with other people. Relationships have never come easy for me. At least functional ones. So I’d be lying if I said it was all bad.

But it doesn’t take away the fact that I am all I have to hold me up right now. Of course God is there. But man (and woman) was not meant to be alone. So when the laundry needs washed, folded, and put away, it will continue to need washed folded and put away until I do it.

When the dishes are dirty, same thing. They will stay dirty--actually that’s not entirely true. I have been relying on my oldest daughter, Mia, somewhat here. And she’s been great about not complaining, too.

But the point is life is not easy. This divorce has forced me to adjust. It has forced me to use muscles I haven’t been used to using. It has forced me to change. There’s that word again.

The greatest gift I’ve received from the divorce, though, is the knowledge that I cannot do it on my own. Whereas before I just relied on my wife.

Forced to confront the reality that I had to accomplish stuff--keep the electric on, stay healthy, etc., etc--I soon realized I had to do it all on my own or enlist God’s help.

And since becoming separated it didn’t take me long to realize I was in over my head, it was relatively easy to turn to Him.

And that is what has saved me.

And I don’t mean I’m now ‘saved’ as in the one and done version of being saved.

I mean that I am being saved every day. Taken care of, helped to accomplish things that I wouldn’t be able to do on my own.

Take for example earlier today. So I go to church. Usually one Sunday a month I teach a men’s class. A few days ago I was asked by one of my leaders if I would teach today.

I said, “Sure. What do you want me to teach?”

“You decide,” came the reply.

Now I’m not too keen on teaching. I’m not a very confident teacher. I don’t think I’m very good at it. In fact, I have taught classes in the past that, once finished, I felt like crying because I had done so badly. Many times over the years this has happened.  

Here’s what happened today—though I need to back up a couple days to when I began preparing the lesson.

I was taking a walk out by the lake behind my house when I received the text that told me to choose my own topic.

This is something I wanted to have Heavenly Father’s help with. Truth be told, I want His help with just about everything I do these days. My penchant for messing up things when I try to do stuff on my own is so great, I’m always asking Him for help.

So I sat down in the grass on the dam overlooking the lake and bowed my head and said a prayer—a simple one. Something like, “Heavenly Father please let me know what lesson you want me to teach on Sunday. I want to do what you want, so please direct me.

And so as I searched the different options it came to my mind which lesson He wanted me to share.

As I studied the lesson right then—I had access to it on my phone—and again later on, I took notes and felt only somewhat prepared. Early this morning I actually printed it out and jotted questions I wanted to ask the class and outlined the parts that I wanted to read in class. I was nonetheless feeling less than confident.

A short while later while heading to church I realized that I had forgotten the marked-up lesson at home. Immediately after realizing I’d left it at home and knowing it was too late to turn around, the thought that I would have to trust in God even more came to my mind. This actually made me feel better, I think, then had I not forgotten it.

Church services where I attend consists of three one-hour-long meetings/classes. The class I was to teach occurred during the final hour, so I listened attentively during my first two meetings, hoping to feel inspired by something I heard.

I was. While I cannot remember much of the content of what was spoken during those meetings, I do remember the main feeling. It was the same thought I’d had in the car: trust me.

I knew it was from God and I knew that I would be blessed if I did so.

During the second hour, at least one other thought came to my mind: You are being prepared for when you facilitate the teacher training meeting next month in April. This revelation came shortly after I felt prompted by the Holy Ghost to remain silent during the lesson and to listen and observe.

When my turn came to teach I wasn’t really sure at the beginning what to say or what to read or really how to begin. But I allowed myself a moment of silence as I listened for the whisperings of the spirit to help me know how to lead the class. My only agenda was to let the spirit guide our meeting.

What followed was a spirit-filled lesson. As I trusted in the Lord to lead the lesson, or rather, to lead me as I lead the discussion, I could tell that those who were ready were enlightened and spiritually fed.

This experience has led to an increase in confidence that I can teach by the Spirit. So long as I allow my heart to be open to the whisperings of the Spirit as I prepare and as I teach, then really it is I who learn, along with the rest of the class. For we are being taught by the Holy Ghost. He is the real teacher. He is the one who changes us.