Joyful Wailing

Two days ago I woke up crying. Not weeping. Not softly shuddering. But full on full blown crying. You could call it wailing. You know, the kind with ugly noises coming from somewhere down below deep inside. Gosh, this is personal stuff. But yeah, I want to write about it. 

I want to write about it so that others may know that it exists. This is called joyful, cup running over wailing. 

So my cup has been running over with blessings since sometime last year. I've cried many tears because of the blessings I've been receiving. Many, many tears, many many times. 

The tears of gratitude have been catching up, slowly, to the tears of grief I've cried over the years. Though really it's not like that. All the good happening to me now has already made all the bad so worth it. 

Just like C.S. Lewis said:

“[Mortals] say of some temporal suffering, ‘No future bliss can make up for it,’ not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. … The Blessed will say, ‘We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven.’”

I know what he means. And I want every other person in this world to know the truth of this, too. The joy is really real. I have waited so long. But it is worth it. 

As I was heading into work yesterday Heavenly Father revealed to me that certain other blessings related to my mission were coming. There are some specific things that I want--no need--in order for me to do His work. I know they are coming. I see them, barely, out in the distant horizon. They are coming. And I know it because it is His work. And I only want to do His work. To share this great joy that I have in my heart with others is all I want to do. 

And I know that the same joy I feel can be felt by the lowliest of people. I am one of these. Have been for all my life. 

He is turning my path into gold. Has been doing it for over a year now. It is gold where I stand. And as I turn and look behind me, at the path from where I have come, my personal trail of tears, all I see is gold. For those hard times--those very hard times--I now see as the tenderest of mercies. He loved me enough to refine me with the severest of trials. How merciful He was to let me sink so low, so that now He could lift so high. 

I know hard times are coming. Perhaps more severe than I have ever experienced. I say this because we all must be tried in all things. 

But as I was headed into work yesterday He revealed to me one more thing. The blessings I feel now are but a scratch on the surface of all that awaits. And I know this is true. I know it. 

My Heavenly Father loves me. And He loves you. And He is doing all He can to shower each of us with His divine healing love at all times. Even right now. Will you receive it? 

Ask Him what you need to do in order to receive it. It is worth every sacrifice. Oh so worth it!